Steinburg and Leno..Where are the rest?

The big 5 in the California Legislature and Governor had an agreement publicly and the big 5 thought the deal was done. However before the Governor signed the budget he wrote in all these line items which consisted of more cuts to Social Services, Education, Parks, HIV/Aids assistance, etc... Senators Steinburg and Leno have decided to take the governor to court under the auspices that the governor violated his executive power. It will be really hard for Leno and Steinburg to prove that they have/will incur damages due to the governors actions. So its really important that we all file as many complaints as we can. The person to contact about disability cuts is Fred Nisen of Disability Rights California, Providers/Clients, concerned individuals. I think we all need to make a big push.

Hard Times

When they say this is hard times, they are not kidding around. Quite frankly I am afraid for myself and the whole independent living movement. Everything that it used to be, it's not anymore. I am having a lot of trouble accepting the changes. People who live independently and others have given up on independent living, and our leaders don't see that as a necessity but as a privilege, which is a frightening concept. I personally do not feel like there has been any disability rights leader that has made accomplishments without their family being involved, and I mean involved a lot. I guess what I'm trying to say is that every advocate going back to Ed Roberts has had family living very close by. For example Ed Roberts mother, Zona Roberts, was always living behind Ed's house, and was always there when the bottom dropped out, from attendant care, to filling, and those late night documents that have to be typed. I came into this movement at a time when things were good and the bottom was okay. In other words, you could find someone for $11/hr or someone who was willing to volunteer to get by. This has all changed in the world. I have seen so many people either barely surviving independently or just straight out dying from bad health. I am worried about myself and the future of everything. My care alone costs over $100k a year. This does not include rent, groceries, entertainment, etc. I have always been told to look to the leaders, but excuse my language all the leaders are screwed up. For the first time ever I feel like the disability rights movement has taken a tremendous step backwards. I need to establish a piece of mind that I can live my life without the threat of returning home, which has negative implications for myself. I feel like one of the only few people who want to move forward, and that my goals are getting thwarted because of all the systems that are breaking down. As you both know, I am trying to find a new daytime assistant, and also run my business. I have been talking to many people who are truly hopeless; they cannot in our society at this junction in time, get a job or get more education because of all the government cuts on student loans and student grants. I feel like people who lose their jobs are at a horrible risk of losing their unemployment and even those who have kids. I feel like I am in the minority because other people of the younger generation are just too passive. I feel like my business is just barely getting by, and I am just barely making ends meet. With all due respect, I love my immediate family, but I know the reality about care, and about needing other people to help. So many people say I'm demanding and that I do a lot and it takes a toll. This is very hard for me to accept, but I know it. I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I need to do more actually, and help more people but I feel like people can't afford dare to dream, and I can't keep it going without clients who are able to pay in a timely manner. I only have one friend who is online, and my beloved Vanessa. I feel like everything else is going down a really hard road. It is frustrating and seems to be all uphill. I count my lucky stars that I am able to use my power chair and run my business, which means a lot to me.
The most frustrating part of all this is every time I've had a problem since I've been on my own is I've looked to leaders, and I've gotten answers. These leaders have been top disability advocates who are now retired or deceased or politicians who now won't even answer my letters or phone calls. I've always had leaders that have heard and helped me solved my fears, and the reality of it is unless I could be proved otherwise, they are not there anymore. I have always been a very idealistic person who is able to always find a way out of difficult scenarios, but these scenarios are catch-22s. I have always found happiness in helping other people, and I still do like to think I help a few people along the way, but I don't think it's enough anymore. In order for me to help people, I need people to help me, I've always understood that this has been a two-way street, and I don't understand what's happened. Folk music, along with James Taylor and Cat Stevens, have always been a good time for me to listen too, but now I am deeply engaging myself in deep meditation about the real words behind the songs. Like for example "don't criticize what you can't understand" I feel like this needs to be said to so many young people but also the people in power. A few years ago when I sat down with those two benefits counselors I told them I wanted several things, and now I'm wondering how all this is going to be achieved. I wanted to: one, make over 60k a year. Two, own my own vehicle. Three, always live in a place where there are other people who are friendly. Four, maybe run for city council. Five, get married and have kids. I think I told them I wanted to also get the income law around social security lifted. When I look back at all these goals, in today's world, I get kind of nostalgic because I feel like almost all these goals are impossible to reach right now. I used to be so idealistic. I have recently realized the other side of idealism, and quite frankly I don't like any of this. It feels like gloom and doom a lot of times, and I am not saying that they are not great moments, I am just trying to say that I'm really fighting hard and for the first time I'm not seeing the results I want to see. I'm not trying to be arrogant or spoiled, but I see so much complacency, it's scary. I wish people would every now and then stand up to power, and fight for what they believe in. We keep hearing the time is now for action, but I am at a loss as to what to do next on a personal level, on a local level, on a national level, and on a worldwide level.

Peace,

Nick